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"Everyone says that communication is the key in a relationship. If this is the case then why is it so hard to communicate openly and honestly with your partner?”
Some people find it difficult to communicate openly/honestly with their partner because they know their partner either can't handle some of the things they are being told or don't want to hear what the other person has to say. Also, what one person may find important another may see as being insignificant and thus not worth talking about. People also forget that communication is a lot more than just being verbal. Sometimes a lot more can be said by not saying something, but if you don't listen to the silence you can miss an entire conversation.
Well for one I would like to think that honest hurts and sometime we try and protect the other person feeling by looking at the now... but not how it is going to effect them in the long run. And also I think its more about wanting that person to think that most of you. You dont want them to think you do any wrong or whatever so I think for the part its about saving face in some ways.
"what one person may find important another may see as being insignificant and thus not worth talking about"
+1
Most of the times I tune out what someone is saying unless it is something that interest me.
I could careless about shoes, desperate housewives, your baby daddy, getting your hair done , the woman getting on your nerves at your job ..blah blah blah etc...
If we talking Sex,politics, and sports (in that order) Then we can communicate.
Sometimes talking to women is like speaking to the District Attorney especially in dealing with relationships. They will use that ish to prosecute your ass down the line.
You gotta plead the 1, 2, 3, 4, FIIIIFFFFFFF sometimes, or change the subject when shit starts to get hairy. Try the Sara Palin defense 'Lets talk about Energy'
I think its hard to communicated simply because ppl don't know how to. Either they are afraid of being looked at negatively by their mate or just have never known how to do it period. And if you have never honeslty known how to communicate it will be difficult to verbalize whats going on with you.
Until you actually start talking you will not know if that person is or isn't going be able to handle. You will only assume! And if you cannot go to your partner and talk then thats a problem. You have to learn how to communicate. Yes doing things is also a part of communication. But you can't assume that because that's how you communicate its ok for your partner to understand that and accept that for themselves.
Easyrider .. you are absolutely right about communication being verbal and non-verbal. Silence is my favorite way to communicate with people. I hate repeating myself, so if I find myself saying something more than twice .. I will shut down completely .. I have this silly theory that we have a limited amount of words in a life time. So if I have to keep telling you something over and over .. you are wasting my words ..lol :)
I don't think that your mate should be your everything .. I have to have my girls to talk to about my hair, shoes, and all that girlly stuff .. my man is there to hold me down. BUT I do think that in any relationship sometimes you have to make what is important to others important to you .. I think that is just having good decorum. Women like to talk so if we are talking on the phone about shoes, hair, clothes, or whatever .. don't trip because those are the things you are not interested in hearing about so just eat your sammich and zip it!!
I think that, whether it is selfish or not, that a person should just keep some things to themselves, in a relationship because honesty is not always the best policy. For all those who think otherwise, ask yourself, do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Well see if you go into any relationship with your head already set on "Im not going to concern myself with their issues" then you do not even need to go there with that person. And you cannot just turn a deaf ear! You don't want someone doing that to you. I think that both parties need to come in not already bottle up. Stop acting like you got it together and to hell with anyone that doesn't
No I'm not saying to hell with it. But thats how people act..like they have it all together and to hell with anyone who doesn't. Turning a deaf ear bcuz they feel it's not worth their time to listen.
Conronda .. I totally agree ..I think that ppl that have so much time to talk but no time to listen sell themselves short. listeing is learning even when you don't agree or have any interest in what they are saying ..
I think people choice whether or not to communicate. I agree with AD, we will tune half the stuff out, depending on the subject. Ironically we know how to communicate when it comes to having sex. Words, thoughts, ideas etc. all come together without a problem.
At the sametime I think people say they want to truth but don't really want to hear the truth. And if your truth is something that is going to hurt someone, maybe you need to reevaluate what your doing. Someone in the blog mentioned skeleltons. I think that is the only reason you don't want to be open and honest
17 comments:
Some people find it difficult to communicate openly/honestly with their partner because they know their partner either can't handle some of the things they are being told or don't want to hear what the other person has to say. Also, what one person may find important another may see as being insignificant and thus not worth talking about. People also forget that communication is a lot more than just being verbal. Sometimes a lot more can be said by not saying something, but if you don't listen to the silence you can miss an entire conversation.
Ditto easyrider...nicely said.
Well for one I would like to think that honest hurts and sometime we try and protect the other person feeling by looking at the now... but not how it is going to effect them in the long run. And also I think its more about wanting that person to think that most of you. You dont want them to think you do any wrong or whatever so I think for the part its about saving face in some ways.
"what one person may find important another may see as being insignificant and thus not worth talking about"
+1
Most of the times I tune out what someone is saying unless it is something that interest me.
I could careless about shoes, desperate housewives, your baby daddy, getting your hair done , the woman getting on your nerves at your job ..blah blah blah etc...
If we talking Sex,politics, and sports (in that order) Then we can communicate.
Sometimes talking to women is like speaking to the District Attorney especially in dealing with relationships. They will use that ish to prosecute your ass down the line.
You gotta plead the 1, 2, 3, 4, FIIIIFFFFFFF sometimes, or change the subject when shit starts to get hairy. Try the Sara Palin defense 'Lets talk about Energy'
I think its hard to communicated simply because ppl don't know how to. Either they are afraid of being looked at negatively by their mate or just have never known how to do it period. And if you have never honeslty known how to communicate it will be difficult to verbalize whats going on with you.
Until you actually start talking you will not know if that person is or isn't going be able to handle. You will only assume! And if you cannot go to your partner and talk then thats a problem. You have to learn how to communicate. Yes doing things is also a part of communication. But you can't assume that because that's how you communicate its ok for your partner to understand that and accept that for themselves.
Easyrider .. you are absolutely right about communication being verbal and non-verbal. Silence is my favorite way to communicate with people. I hate repeating myself, so if I find myself saying something more than twice .. I will shut down completely .. I have this silly theory that we have a limited amount of words in a life time. So if I have to keep telling you something over and over .. you are wasting my words ..lol :)
I don't think that your mate should be your everything .. I have to have my girls to talk to about my hair, shoes, and all that girlly stuff .. my man is there to hold me down. BUT I do think that in any relationship sometimes you have to make what is important to others important to you .. I think that is just having good decorum. Women like to talk so if we are talking on the phone about shoes, hair, clothes, or whatever .. don't trip because those are the things you are not interested in hearing about so just eat your sammich and zip it!!
I think that, whether it is selfish or not, that a person should just keep some things to themselves, in a relationship because honesty is not always the best policy. For all those who think otherwise, ask yourself, do you have any skeletons in your closet?
I think most women have graveyards in their closets. = )
Its all just life experiences .. doesn't make you less or more of man or woman
Hmmmmm... AD why cant it be both side with the closet sweetie...
Well see if you go into any relationship with your head already set on "Im not going to concern myself with their issues" then you do not even need to go there with that person. And you cannot just turn a deaf ear! You don't want someone doing that to you. I think that both parties need to come in not already bottle up. Stop acting like you got it together and to hell with anyone that doesn't
-goldenstar
Men for the most part are brutally honest about some of the f' ups in the past.
Women have some doozeys that they will take with them to the grave. LOL
I'm just saying, some of yall done did some stuff even yall mamas dont know about. LOL
Dang conronda to hell with us? = ) sheesh
No I'm not saying to hell with it. But thats how people act..like they have it all together and to hell with anyone who doesn't. Turning a deaf ear bcuz they feel it's not worth their time to listen.
Conronda .. I totally agree ..I think that ppl that have so much time to talk but no time to listen sell themselves short. listeing is learning even when you don't agree or have any interest in what they are saying ..
I think people choice whether or not to communicate. I agree with AD, we will tune half the stuff out, depending on the subject. Ironically we know how to communicate when it comes to having sex. Words, thoughts, ideas etc. all come together without a problem.
At the sametime I think people say they want to truth but don't really want to hear the truth. And if your truth is something that is going to hurt someone, maybe you need to reevaluate what your doing. Someone in the blog mentioned skeleltons. I think that is the only reason you don't want to be open and honest
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