My homeboy got married last year now his wife has a problem with him hanging with his single friends. I can't understand why. A marriage is suppose to about trust and if you don't have that then you don't have anything.
Should married people limit or not hang with their single friends ? Why
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
49 comments:
Heck no you should have to limit your friendship because of marriage. Woman usually want to stop your friendships with your single friends because they are insecure. The truth is if a person is going to cheat that is their choice. Also if hanging with their sinlge friends cause them to cheat then thats a weak person. So trust your man and stop trying to control him, even if your in a relationship
I think if you trying to really make your marriage work you have to limit the single friends that you have in your circle.
Not saying that you cant have single friends but I think when you become a couple most of you time should be spent doing couple things.
Cheating isnt the first thing that comes to mind its just growing up and knowing that you have opened up a new window and you are no longer a single man. I think its a mind set change how can you change your way of life if your old ways are put up in your face 24x7.
Thats like telling a drug user not to use drugs but they go to the crack house everyday come on....
Goldenstar I like what you said about "old life being in your face 24/7" that is so right. I don't think there is anything wrong with having the single friends but you have to be willing to do the couple thing too ..
I don't see why you would need to limit the time you spend with your single friends once you are married. Those same friends were around the entire courtship and everything was cool, I fail to see what changed besides your marrital status. I am sure couples things were done in favor of hanging with the boys/girls being it by choice or begrudingly. To expect someone to limit their time with their friends, but only the single ones, is like asking the other person to limit the time doing a favorite activity.
It almost like your child hanging around the wrong crowd....being influenced and sometimes unknowningly.
When you become married there may be some ppl in your life you need to move away from just like any other time you are trying to structure yourself. And that's not just for men. Women do this automatically for their husbands without them knowing most of the time.
I think its just maturing in a way. Nothing wrong with having single friends vs the type of single friends you have in your circle. I have lots of married friends. But I have my head on straight also.
I think that you do... your no longer a single person, I'm not saying that you guys will no longer be friend but I think your time will be limited. Just think about it when your friend does have a girlfriend even then your time is limited. You may not think so but it is.
And you know what friend you can keep around if you hanging with ya boy that's hitting a new chick every other night then thats just somebody you shouldnt be around makes it alot harder to stay focused.
golden star, sts, conronda is appears yall may have trust or control issues. Yall want to take him out of character. If those where his ppl's before you got made and he was able to maintain that during courtship and a marriage it should show his character. Think outside the box. :)
I am going to put you on blast Conronda, you don't give head but most of your friends do. However you still hang with them and haven't been pursueded to give it a try yet.
LOL Dakim
Preach brother.
(looking) at Conronda is that true? What say you? LOL
wow...that is some real bs shit and you know I'm about to cut you up for putting my family on blast....
WTF does her giving head have to do with her circle of friends. If she had a group of friend that were sleeping around with every ni@@a that crossed their path then yes I would have to say that she would need to change around her circle of friends. But what your talking about has nothing to do with the subject....
Plus if my man was still hanging around his single friends as you would say (hard body) when he stepped to me about marriage I would have told his ass no cause he wasnt/isnt ready for a life style change.
Well Dakim let get the record straight
Number one I do not believe that I need to be suckin on some brothas dick to make you fall in love with me..if so that's some real B.S. and he can keep it movin!
Number 2 if you base a relationship off some head then I think you may need to check yourself.
Next.....I would hope that any sour friends you got hanging around before you are married have dissappeared way before you ask a woman to be beside you for the rest of her life.
What gets me is men want their cake and eat it too. Brah please
AD
I'm very disappointed in you I cant believe that you would go along with this madness!!!!!
Dakim
Me and you brah....me and you!
We need to meet outside!
Hell to the NO! Ima grown damn man and I have to ask who I can hang out wit then thats crazy. I would would expect you to have to ask me either. It goes both ways but the level of respect has to be there.
Anonymous
You are absolutely correct
But what Im noticing is that you guys are automatically getting on defense.."Hell Nah, you crazy woman" Not even really listening to your woman.
If i come to you with some concerns and legit reason I would hope you would at least lstion to me. I would for you. If I had some sleezy skank no good girlfriends hanging around and you didn't like it. It may make you uncomfortable I will hear you out. Especially if I am going to marry you.
I don't think a woman will just say. " Oh I want you to myself and only me so everybody has to go" Thats not what we mean...well thats not what I mean! lol
Dakim .. I said that I didnt mind him being with single people as long as you are willing to do the couples thing. I have no time to convince or change someone.
Conronda I got your back girl .. they are trippin today with this foolishness. Now you know all of them would be mad if their woman was going out every weekend. Hmmmmphhh
The point I some folks are missing is, it sounds like some are saying 'Now that we are married XY&Z gotta go, they was cool to be around before we were married, but now they gotta go'. If those folks were shady they should have been dismissed before you all got to the alter, JOP, sacrificial slab or where ever you were married.
I think you guys are still missing the point. When you take on a new path in life everybody cant go with you thats my point. You have to leave some people behind.
I would think that you would have already left those needed to be left you got married. Your life path will have changed before the marriage. You should be mentally and emotionally married long before you are legally married. So the road hasn't changed, just the mile marker.
I think the point that yall are missing is if a dude is going to cheat he will cheat and it has absolutely nothing to do with his friends.
I think women try to micro manage every aspect of a relationships and it just does not work like that.
I see we have some bitter unsecure women. but it's ok yall need love.. hahaha
AD and easy rider, thanks bruh well said.
At the end of the day it is about insecurity and whey they feel they need to change this man. As men we know which homies you consider as friends and ones that you just run into at the bar. ya dig ! With that said, I we would remove the toxic ones and men left standing by our sides single or not are our folks til the end. Marriage shouldn't be a deciding factor if we continue those friendships.
Ad
This has nothing to do with cheating! It about more than just sex! Its about your friends you doesnt think its importnat to value what I say. its about the friends you may have who think its still ok to come home 5am, its about the friends who you may have that think its ok to just be a damn slob, etc. I mean lets get over the cheating factor.
Dakim...
What makes you think I'm not secure becuase I dont want my man hanging around some sorry asses?
This is not about cheating at all because women cheat too .. Conronda really summed it up .. something things remain the same but things change with marriage .. and that is true for men and women.
Conronda and Golden star. I'm 4'11 and 5'2 with some new air force ones. So before yall think about ganging up on my.. REMEMBER SHORT BROTHERS ARE BACK.. HAHAHAH !!!! YA DIG !!
women will not admit it cheating and insecurity. STS ( and I was just about to say you understand men)
If not then what is it about. that he has to leave his friends alone
HA ..
I am too grown to hide my faults or pretend...I have lied, cheated, & been a stoler (don't ask). I believe in karma .. I have gotten back a lot of the wrong that I have done. When you mature and move into new things in your life .. you walk away from certain people that keep you stuck in foolishness..we all have those friends. Sometimes its just time to move on .. c'est la vie
Dakim and AD
Ahh I think the first thing I said was about being fair in all this...If you guys really read it that is....
You just have to learn to let go of some things period. It is not one sided.
If it is not about cheating it is even worse. It then becomes a control thing. When you marry someone you do NOT become their parent.
Some of yall may have some worrisome ass mothers. Should we stop yall from hanging out with your mama?
The catty nature of most women's friendships are trivial and petty. If I had dollar for every time a woman said "I don't hang out with other women" So I can see why most of yall are quick to jettisoned your friends like feminine napkins.
But if a man has a true homeboy, the bond is like a brother. And if a man could easily dis-guard someone that he holds near and dear to him, what makes you think he would not do the same thing to you?
I think Loyalty shows a lot about someone's character.
Point # 2
I have several married friends and they are happy because their wifeys let people breathe. And that works both ways for men and women.
I only surround myself with like minded people and have never hung around with the "wrong crowd" So maybe that is me not being able to see the logic behind this debate.
I personally would be insulted if anybody I was dealing with told me I don't want you to kick it with so and so because blah..blah ..blah Because then that becomes an attack on my judgement.
If a woman can't except who I am and my friends she is probably not the right one anyway.
Some people believe in their own generalizations more than individuals.. you will never grow that way. You can't judge people based on a group, your biased judgements will leave in the same spot that you have always been. Hmmm and you wonder why...
Someone on here mentioned that 'some friends think its okay to come home at 5:00 am, and they think its okay to be slob and blah blah blah'. All that is true, but that friend is also the one that is laughing at his boy when he calls his wife/girlfriend to check in and let her know that he is still alive, or he is the one laughing when he boy is quoting Billy Ray Valentine (Trading Places) 'Coasters, have you people ever heard of coasters'. Your friends want their time too, and less you give the more they are going to take when they do get you.
Is it acceptable if you are out until 5:00 am with a married friend? Is it acceptable if your married friends are slobs?
Ad
Sweetie
You are still missing the point! But you said it anyway....no one is trying to control you. If in deed you have a "homeboy" that you have been best friends with since the begining of time do you think I would really ask you to just boot him? Ahhh NO!
The whole point was about the negative ppl in your life that really aren't a help to you. But that just goes to show you how defensive ppl get sometimes over little things. Missing the key point just to argue and come to what we were saying the whole time!
conronda-
Cupcake
I am still with you, but all I am saying is you should examine your mans relationships before you ever get to the point of marriage.
That's all
let me answer the one about being married and hanging with single friends I dont think just because you are married you have to stop hanging around single friends if you are a secure person and have a secure relationship what is the big deal....I think that sometimes people limit their self because they are afraid of their own self and try to blame it on being married and having single friends
easy rider HELL NO it's not acceptable for her to come home at 5am. If she does I will be in the drive on top of my car and when she gets out her car I am coming over the top with a wrestling move.
Nah no slobs as friends either thats just nasty.
Ad
I agree! Ten Folds...you wanna get married :-)
conronda negative or positive people it doesn't matter because I am a grown man and now the power of choices. Stop sounding like a pitbull in the rain and be a wife. Not as AD said a parent. I also have to agree its about control. Put a ring on the finger and something changes. You go from wifey to super mom and know all the things in the world are best for me.
My point exactly Dakim, its not whether the friend is single or married, its what they do when they are with that friend.
AD don't take her proposal. Cuz you remember the couch she was on. hahahahah
LOL
I am headed to the jewelery store so I can get your rocked up!
We have to get cuzin Star's approval though. LOL
dang.... so this is what happens when I go to lunch
Dakim
You just jealous! :-)
I am jealous, so can you ask me to marry you in front of everyone too !
This post has been enlightening.
I'm trying to look at things objectively and because men and women think/act differently you see why they are on one side of the fence and the women on the other
ie...we can't come home at 5am but if they with the boys, they can...blah, blah.
What I would like to hear from is some CURRENT married folks and how they are KEEPING a marriage together with their single and married friends. Not dating folks or former married folks.
Post a Comment