(excuse the mispellings. I didn't proof read)
I have a friend that is in the beginning stages of Domestic Violence. Her and her husband are separated, he decided to move out because things aren't working. Being she hasn't ran back to him and for the first time stood up and said no more. They both were wrong in that flirted with other people. When he did it, she had to be ok with it. When she did it, he made it as if the world has stopped.
Now he is trying to move back in, I suggested they stay in separate residences til they work out the issues. She would let he come over and see their daughter but he will decide he is stay and spend the night. I told her to stop allowing him to come over because he is doing it as a way of control. He would come over but tell her he is dealing with other women. (The mind control game). When she decided to stand up and stop allowing him to come and stay at will. He has gotten violent.
I have suggested she speak to someone, she doesn't want to. I have suggested she call the cops, she doesn't want to. I have given her the domestic abuse hotline. '
My questions should I say hey I have done my best and she is choosing not to listen and just step back?
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8 comments:
There really isn't a lot more you can do, you have offered suggests, you have provided the resources, you can lead a horse to water but you can't it drink. The only other thing you can possibly do, and this is only if you know both parties, is be a defacto-moderator, you can be at the house, just chilling when she tells you he is coming to see the kid(s). I don't think he would go upside her head with you there. Of course he can stay much longer than you can, and that also introduces the possibility of him thinking you knocking is woman off too.
I hear you easy. I am not staying at nobody's house. It's always the innocent bystander that gets hurt. Ya dig !!
I say at this point just stay out of it, you have done all that you can as friend. Just make sure you check up on her from time to time
I agree with Easy .. you have done all you can do. She has to make some hard choices and its not going to be easy at all. But she has to wake up and see that this situation is not just between the two of them, there are children involved and they BOTH are setting some poor examples for them. Just pray for her and be there when she needs you.
There was a situation that happened here like this but it went totally wrong. This slightly older dude got with a younger, impressionable girl and 4 kids, many beatings, and verbal assaults later .. when she decided to leave him alone and move on with her life .. he stalked her and one night she had another gentleman at her house .. when she walked him outside, the ex was there with a gun and started shooting, the boyfriend took off and ran, but the 2 oldest kids watched their father gun down their mother and drag her body around .. When the police came he turned the gun on himself, but there were no more bullets left ..
Soooo .. I said all that to say this .. It's not worth it .. the consequences of that first verbal or physical attack .. Just opens the door to disaster..
GS if you were in this situation would you want someone to fall back. Or continue to help you?
I mean at this point it doesnt matter.... that's just like somebody telling you that your boyfriend/girlfriend. ex wife is no good and you need to leave em...
Your not going to do it until you are ready, the day that she comes to you for help, like I'm ready to be out of the this.... thats when you step up and take the extra steps. Other then that your work is in vein.
You're right Golden .. if they ask, and they will ask .. be honest, but really can't chase anybody down to slap some sense in their head! I have my own life to live, you can't save everybody .. especially from themself.
I think that you have said and did what you could do to help your friend. At this point the ball is in their court and I would take a gigantic step back.
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